Responding in a controlled and calm manner when your buttons are really being pushed and you feel like you're being tested to the limit takes practise. Perhaps right now it may even feel almost impossible but, help is here and it CAN be achieved.
Teaching yourself and training your brain to notice that gap, that space, in between being triggered by a behaviour and your response to that trigger are the first steps to taking back control, to becoming calmer and responding in a way that encourages connection.
7/11 Breathing, as named by Psychologist Joe Griffin, is an effective technique. Breathing in this way whenever you feel anxiety rising or feel your buttons being pushed can help you to feel calmer and can be the difference between yelling and then feeling guilty or responding in a more controlled manner.
The chances are you have heard of the 'fight or flight' response which is associated with anxiety. This technique stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system which is the opposite of the 'fight or slight' response.
So here is how it works ...
Take a deep breath in to the count of 7.
Hold for a moment.
Breath out to the count of 11.
It's not necessary to stick to 7/11 but the key to this technique is the out breath. The out breath must be around about double the in breath and that's where the magic happens.
Its so simple but can make such a huge difference. Use it, practice it, visualise yourself responding differently as you use the technique.
Enjoy the changes it can make in your life!